I’m a former perfectionist. There I said it! LOL! But seriously I was and living with the mindset of never believing I was enough and constantly feeling like I was striving or hustling for approval kept me from trusting myself in so many areas of my life, let alone fully loving myself wholeheartedly. It wasn’t until I was about 24 years old and took a leap of faith and decided I needed healing in this area to really start dealing with these issues that I really became free to choose a different mindset and live wholeheartedly from a grateful abundant empowered place.
It wasn't like the choices weren't there before, of course they were always there. I just wasn’t fully ready to face that stuff or begin to even make that kind of shift because perfectionist live from a place of fear (which paralyzes us) and one of the things we do to avoid that fear is control...and we all know when we try to control, this is stemming from a place of unsolved trust issues going on in ourselves.
I used to believe, “If I can control this I won’t get hurt, or have to deal with rejection, but we all know that we can’t control all outcomes nor control anyones thoughts towards us-ever! What anyone is thinking or feeling about me is their business. What I think and feel about myself, “That’s my business” as Byron Katie likes to say from her book Loving What Is Which I highly recommend. It was life changing for me.
Living life believing that we can actually escape disappointment, struggle, pain or rejection or that they are never going to affect us is a lie. Those are the very things that shake us up, teach, change, grow and transform us!! We need all of it! Because if we are going to live a wholehearted full joyful life those things are all part of the amazing process and journey too. They may not be exciting at the time but we wouldn’t be who we are without what they teach us either.
Brene Brown says in one of the books that helped me tremendously drop the perfectionist mindset called The Gifts of Imperfection, “We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions”
So why am I going into all this anyway? Since the title of this blog is called ‘Loving and Trusting the process’ Well honestly because I love this stuff! More then talking about food and fitness (I love that too!) I love going on and on about transformation from the inside out and getting deep into our mindset, core and spirit, what we’re believing, where we’ve gotten struck in believing a lie about ourselves or working through some self-worth issues. It’s all completely connected to our mind, body and spirit. Working through our stuff where ever we are in our life and vulnerably sharing it with an open heart helps us all to realize we are not the only one going through something. Brene Brown has said, “shame cannot survive being spoken” I honestly believe and have experienced when we start working on those core issues in ourselves is where we start to see amazing healing things happen not only emotionally and mentally but spiritually and physically.
When I started working through breaking off this old perfectionist mindset and shifting to an empowered grateful abundant mindset here’s what happened: I was instantaneously more joyful. My relationships improved and I dropped the people pleasing and hustling for approval. I dropped the controlling and started to become much more adventurous in all areas of my life. I started pursuing my dreams and started a business. I became more inspired and encouraged and started to inspire and encourage and help others dealing with similar issues and more importantly I fell in love with the amazing person God created me to be and fully trusted myself.
So what does Loving and trusting the process even mean and look like anyway? Loving ourselves wholeheartedly means to not have conditions attached. It’s absolutely believing you are enough, amazing, powerful and great right where you are. There’s nothing you have to do to earn it! That’s who God created you to be! Amazing you!
Trusting the process...Uhh this is tough right? How do we just trust ourselves, well honestly we just start with that! Just trusting that whatever happens we can handle. It again comes down to what we are believing, speaking over ourselves and the story we keep telling ourselves over and over again. If I would have kept telling myself “I’m just a dance instructor / waitress, I’m not an entrepreneur or expert in health, fitness or helping people transform their lives” I probably never would have created Anacapa Fitness an outdoor fitness company focusing on transformation but I just started with a passion and believing I could make a difference and kept helping, learning and growing and boom 8 years later I had cultivated just that with trust, even though at times I was unsure and scared I pushed through anyway with loving faith, a lot of prayer and believing that it would all come together the way it was supposed to.
Whether it’s your health, your relationship with food or people, going after a dream, starting a business I want you to just start with believing, declaring and wholeheartedly loving and TRUST the process. You can absolutely handle anything. When you do that, you build more trust and more resilience in yourself and great things flourish from those two very things!
Go out and rock the world with being amazing YOU and Love and trust the process every step of the way!
I would love to hear from you. Feel free to connect with me on Facebook, Instagram or personally at firstname.lastname@example.org