“What you allow is what will continue” -Anonymous
A little tough love / mindset shift today I love coaching people in to help not only transform their mental health but their heart and body as well, because we know this is all connected, and that's dropping the victim mindset of believing that someone or something is robbing your joy or “doing something to you.” Have you ever felt that way? Like someone or something is intentionally trying to rob your joy? Does anyone or anything come to mind? Maybe your spouse, kids, mother, a sibling, your boss, a neighbor, friend, your body, the scale, the person on Facebook writing negative stuff all the time.
Well the truth is (here is the tough part) no one or anything is actually trying to do that at all! I love this wisdom and second agreement in the book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, “Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others say and do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” Isn’t that such a perspective shift! I love it. By the way the book is amazing and I highly recommend picking up a copy. It’s a very easy read and it should have been one of those books we all read at the beginning of high school
... but back to my point...
Do you want to know what they are doing? Being them and doing the best they know how in this very moment and time in their life (and so are we!) We all can relate to this right? Our 20 year old self is completely different than our more experienced and hopefully wiser version of ourselves in our 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and on...and our perspectives are completely different through all of those seasons of our life.
I always like to remind myself that I don’t know what that person’s heart and mindset is going through and nor do I have to, but I can realize what is going on with them has absolutely nothing to do with me. So to believe the lie that someone or something is actually trying to rob you of anything is foolish and it says there are some areas where we still need working on in ourselves and that's just great, because hopefully we are always learning and growing.
The truth is YOU are allowing someone or something to rob your joy because you chose to take it personal and make it about you. The beautiful part about this is you have absolute control in how you want to feel every moment of every day. Once you take the responsibility of realizing that no one can make you feel anyway without your consent is the beginning of your freedom in never allowing anything to rob you of anything EVER AGAIN.
Here are 3 tips to shift from a victim mindset to an empowered mindset here:
1) Awareness -Realize that no one or anything is doing anything to you, especially robbing your joy. You have a choice in how you want to feel every moment towards any situation. If you choose to feel joy, gratitude, hurt, pain, stress, miserable -It’s still YOUR CHOICE.
2) Create Boundaries- I love what Brene brown says about Boundaries, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
If this is a situation where you are aware you have allowed something to continue and have not taken responsibility to communicate a boundary to change it. CREATE ONE! You can start doing that right now! I know this may be very difficult at first but I promise it is incredibly freeing when you choose what you value and need to create a boundary to honor that part of yourself.
3) Gratitude- Find 1 thing (or more) that this person or thing has taught you through this situation and be grateful for it. There is always something wonderful that we can learn and grow from in any and every situation. The challenge or difficulty that you’re currently in may be the best thing that ever happened to you. It’s just how you choose to perceive it.
I hope this helped shift your mindset in realizing you always have a choice! I would love to hear your thoughts down below or on my Anacapa Fitness Facebook page.